a half of a year has passed since you were born. that day is still vivid in my mind. people often don’t remember traumatic events. they block them out as a means of coping. i remember though. as we rushed to the hospital, i remember thinking that i never even got to touch the water. that birth pool sat there in the dining room ready to use the whole time. i paced passed it hour after hour after hour while the midwives exhausted their list of techniques. they kept filling it with more pots of boiling water just in case. days later when i returned home from the hospital with you, the pool was gone. i wanted to welcome you in the warm soothing water not a cold sterile operating room. i think i mourned the loss of the water birth more than anything. that sounds so petty when i type that out now. especially since that was just one moment that didn’t happen. we didn’t touch the water that day. and that is okay. because we have had a half of a year to feel healing moments like these .
